|
|
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
| |
7:15 pm - you don't really wanna go
|
I miss all of my old friends. I realize that everything in general was a lot different back then, but still, fuck. I didn't really know how good I had it did I? :/
current mood:  sad
current music: ASFTT
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, April 6th, 2008
| |
9:51 pm - R.I.P. Fiore April '05 - April '08
|
Wow, it's kind of crazy to think about Fiore not being a band anymore. I know I haven't been in the band since August, but they were still there, still around, still doing things. True, they could've been more up on what they were doing but it was still there. Today they officially called it quits. It's just another event that shapes lives, shows how fast things can change, that not everything is forever. And you know what? That's perfectly ok. It's our life experiences that shape us into who we are, and it's being able to take the good from each circumstance, to truly appreciate everything that comes at you in life that makes you wiser, stronger, freer. Today has been a liberating day for me, just one of those days ya know? "Every time you take 1 or 2 steps into the path of realization, you realize that the path gets 4 or 5 steps longer." Wow isn't that the truth, but that's exciting. There's always more to learn, more to experience. Being a part of Fiore was something I will NEVER forget, just as the feeling I had with A Fall Farewell. I had so many amazing times with those guys I wouldn't even know where to start. But being with them also taught me a lot too and I am forever grateful. It's another chapter of my life, another thing I definitely do NOT regret.
I just went and watched the movie 21. For all the risk and everything those kids went through, it was a life experience. Yeah, they fucked up, BAD, did something very illegal, but at the end of the day it helped them to take one more step on their own path of self-realization. And instead of getting sucked into something fake and taking a step backwards and continuing doing something that was ultimately going to get them killed, thrown in jail, or personally destroyed, it opened up more of a world to them that they didn't even know existed. I love at the end where the security guy says "you're a smart kid, don't let money be an issue, you'll find a way to make it happen." Which is so true. Too many people let money dictate how they live or what they do. Do I like money? Sure, there are some things that I truly love to do where having money helps make that a reality, but think about this. Say next weekend I want to go up to Tahoe and go snowboarding. Let's say I only have $40 in my bank account. Most people would say "well, I'd love to go, but I can't afford it" and just leave it at that. Ok, so I have a week to find a way to make it happen, not let a money conversation stop me from making that a reality. This weekend consisted of being with good friends, getting drunk a few times, true, taking care of someone who was WAY too drunk, but being there and being helpful felt good, kayaking a lot, being on the boat, taking some time for myself, etc. I went to see 21 by myself and wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Only YOU can make you happy and sometimes it's nice to just truly have me time. Everyone I've been attracting into my life lately, both guys and girls, have had something very similar in common. Besides the fact that none of them are really at a point in their lives that they want to be dating, they are all very environmentally minded, honest, respect and care for their bodies, and have dreams and a clear vision of how they see themselves. It's opened my eyes a lot just being around these people. There are some amazing things shaping up for this summer that I really hope get to happen, but I'll leave that up for imagination until they're solidified. I was going to keep this another private entry as I've been using this mainly for a personal journal, but why not. G'night everyone.
current mood:  calm
current music: nothing, silence for once
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
| |
12:39 am - To all a good night
|
I've been posting on this journal A LOT lately, since the beginning of October, but I've been using it as my private journal, kind of like the one many people keep by their bed to jot down their thoughts at night. Lately I've had so much on my mind that typing it seemed like the only way I could get everything down quick enough. I've made the entries private because like I said, I treat this as if it's my private journal, but sometimes I think it's good to just make a public note from time to time as well. For those of you who don't know, I've been through a lot of hectic things in the last 7 months to say the very least. I cheated on Alexis last May with one of her best friends. Long story short, she found out, we broke up, and called off the engagement. At first we thought we wanted to work it out. Afterall there was so much history behind us and at the end of the day we really did have so much in common and had shared SO MUCH in our lives. We were best friends.
So we decided to go to this place called Choice Center out in Vegas. It's a personal effectiveness training class, almost like group therapy. Some people go because their employers pay them to go to get them to work better with their fellow co-workers, etc., some go to help strengthen or heal marriages, some go for their own personal betterment, some go because they know there's always more they can learn about themselves. Originally I signed up to go so Alexis and I could potentially work things out. By the time September rolled around we didn't want that but ended up going anyway, separately. We didn't talk much during those 5 days but those 5 days were some of the most intense, emotionally driven days of my life. At the end, or "graduation," she came up to me, we hugged, said we were both very happy we came, not for us, but for ourselves, and she forgave me for what happened, I took responsibility for my part, she took hers, I told her please drive safe on the way home and that was that. 10 days later the second half of the training called "Breakthrough" took place but Alexis didn't come back because of a new job she just got.
Fast forward a few months, I went through that training and decided to continue on with their leadership training. It's over 120 days, you involve community service, your own personal goals, teamwork, and your everyday lives into the program. You get 2 coaching calls a week (plus whenever else you wanted to talk to your coach), and a group conference call and small group call. There were 4 mandatory weekends of training in vegas, and to put it shortly, this whole process has probably been the best thing I've ever done with my life. Alexis and I recently decided that it's no longer healthy for the sake of the relationship she's in now (been with the guy for 4, almost 5 months and is very happy and I'm very happy for her) to continue talking for now. We've completely reconnected and have a newfound respect for each other, partially why we're deciding it's best now if we truly part ways, and I'm just grateful that it has come to this and not some bitter haunting that can linger and act like poison on each new experience that comes my or her way. Too many people let the negatives of their past follow them around and act like poison to any positives they may face. Why would you ever want to live your life that way? Of course you're going to get hurt, possibly be the cause of hurt, and experience some not so great things in your life. But as I see it there's 2 ways to look at it. You can either acknowledge everything that's happened in your life and take each experience for what it is and use it to strengthen your being and become a better person, or you can dig out the negative and evil of everything and always think of how you could've done things better. Fact is, you can never go back and do those things better, so even if they were bad at the time, love them for what they can teach you for the next circumstance you're in.
So what's next for me? With everything that's happened one of the biggest lessons I've learned is to truly follow your heart and live by your passions. Is accounting and taxes my passion? Not at all, which is why a couple months ago I told my parents and brother that I wouldn't be taking over the tax office. Am I good at doing the work there? Yeah, I'd like to consider myself pretty knowledgeable by this point and I can do the work, but it's not what gets me going in the morning, it doesn't get me excited and anxious for seeing what's next. Something that's always been that for me is music. More and more lately I've realized how much it has meant to me my whole life and especially in the last few years. Towards the end of May I'll actually be moving to Las Vegas. In order to survive while I'm opening my business I'll be getting a job possibly as a bartender (going to bartending school the end of April, already signed up, sweet) or something else. I'm going to be opening a lockout studio/recording studio. I've had the plans drawn up for years and like a lot of things in my life I just stopped instead of seeing things through. Well, by the end of this year or the beginning of next year you'll see the product of what happens when I see something through. The lady that got me into Choice Center was Lindsay Skeber's mom. When I finished the 120 days of leadership and made it through the whole way with my accomplishments her mom wrote me a letter. Inside of it was a quote from Lindsay that she wanted her mom to share with me. "Wow, I honestly didn't think I'd see the day that Bret made it through 3rd weekend, he never finishes ANYTHING. I'm truly surprised but glad, hopefully this is a trend." In my past that was a sad but true statement, I didn't finish anything, but it feels amazing now to have that focus, that commitment, to be able to see my goals and attain them.
Anyhow, this turned out to be a lot longer than I had anticipated. As for everything else i'm in love with a girl named Kellie Zelig. None of you know who she is but it's very known how I feel about her and she knows as well. We're not together but I can only hope that someday that will be the case. I've made a lot of amazing friends in the last 5 months, but I do still miss the ones I lost when I wasn't myself, when I put on a mask of who I truly was to impress. Little did I know that not being myself, hiding everything, lying, putting up a false front would ultimately push half of them out of my life. It seems so obvious now what I was doing, but I had no clue at the time. Some have forgiven me, others have not. Some will never be the friends they once were, some will. Life truly is crazy when you think about it, but truly is amazing as well and I love every single portion of it. So there's an update on Bret's life, I'm pretty stoked about it :)
current mood: accomplished
current music: nothing but clarity :-)
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, October 9th, 2006
| |
1:41 am - JEAH JEAHHH
|
if you really knew me personally say a year ago, i'd say i'm a much different person now, and i would say that's definitely a good thing. who said 24 was too old to finally start growing up? so much shit has happened in the last year it's just too crazy to think about. i lost some of my best friends, some of them i'm happy that happened, 2 in particular at times I wish i was still close with. and no need to hide it anymore, they're daniel and brian, but i guess i pretty much fucked that one up, yeah? i got engaged, have had some much needed but hurtful discussions about life with alexis and my parents. i'm finally one semester away from graduating college. it's been some good times but I can't wait to know that i'm finally finished.
the band has been doing pretty amazing to say the least. besides alexis, it's what really makes me happy these days. and i know they've been around forever, but go check out VAUX again if you've forgotten them. we just played 2 shows with them and they put on one of the best performances i've EVER seen, and were amazingly nice guys to boot.
friday show, pizza, beer, cooked some steaks, pasta, and mac n cheese, moon was so bright we had shadows at night, passed out, woke up, took a wonderful crap, showered, drove to bakersfield, jerry's pizza, actually got free pizza this time, had some drinks with our manager and the promoter (who is one of the craziest, scariest motherfuckers alive, good lord that guy's a psycho), played show, mmm pizza, watch vaux, amazed again, drop our manager jared off in hesperia around 2am, get our stuff, drop adam, jeff, and adam's friend john off around 3:30, get home at 3:45, faaaaaaaack, 405 miles driven in the day. passed out.
and this is probably one of the longest entries i've written in a while.
current mood:  sleepy
current music: saosin - you're not alone
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, July 28th, 2006
| |
9:10 am - woohoo!
|
another birthday has arrived and I'm 24 now, good lord that old. hello from mount vernon, illinois everyone!
current mood:  awake
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
| |
3:31 am - oooo you touched my tra la la
|
so it's my 2nd to last night here at los al's gym and the only excitement i've had came at about 10:15 tonight when a group of 3 pretty innocent looking kids got caught by me. they supposedly "graduated last year and wanted to see what the gym looked like" but they looked more like freshmen or sophomores. anyhow, that's about it, a lot of little noises that aren't crap and me being tired and now officially sick, sweet. if you've talked to me in the last day or two i'm sure you've heard my lovely voice.
until next time!
current mood: sleepy
current music: new muse
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, May 12th, 2006
| |
11:54 am - hopefully
|
If you know me at all, you've probably known that I've been trying to open up my own lockout rehearsal studio with my dad and brother for over a year. We're finally meeting with a commercial real estate agent next week to sit down and go over exactly what we're looking for. Lucky for me Alexis had to do a group project in her small business class about starting up a business so they used the lockout as their business, did all of the research, my dad helped with financials and whatnot so we have it pretty laid out.
So, if you need a place to practice or record, then hopefully I'll have the facilities by late summer. Finally!
current mood: tired
current music: 1st song on new underoath to wake bobby up. it worked.
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
| |
2:44 am - ahhhh why
|
ah I can't believe i'm about to admit liking these 2 bands, ones i had told myself i would never enjoy. but I suppose i can't ignore myself when i constantly want to listen to them, fuck it. prepare to make fun of me all you enjoy. as daniel once put it, "i'll admit it, i'm a faggot for liking this band." suppose i'm on board now.
fallout boy
panic! at the disco
yeah i said it, rip me a new one, sd;kcjnbv
current mood:  curious
current music: olympics
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, August 8th, 2005
| |
11:17 am - Tonight at Showcase
|
Aug. 8th
683 South Main St
Corona, CA 92882
Loftus
A Fall Farewell
In Solitas
The Waiting Hurt
Heavyheavylowlow
it's been amazing, so just go.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, July 28th, 2005
| |
3:18 am - wow i'm old
|
The title says it all, wow I'm old. Today I turn 23. That just seems crazy but I love birthdays so it's all good. Today should be a busy one but fun to say the least. We're playing at chain reaction and I know you all say, "oh yeah, I'll try to make it out" but today you have double the reason to come. My present this year = awesome. Apple 15" g4 powerbook. It just better come by friday morning or I'll be bummed. Alright i'm off to bed, see everyone tonight hopefully
current mood: sleepy
current music: cuad
|
|
(7 comments | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, July 9th, 2005
| |
1:03 am - alaska here i come
|
hello everyone, I leave this afternoon for alaska for a week long fishing trip so if any of you wanted to get a hold of me and can't then you know why! www.whalerscovelodge.com is where I'll be. I can't wait, time to bring back a bunch of salmon and halibut. also on sunday before we go to the fishing lodge we're taking a helicopter to the top of this glacier then going dog sledding. sounds insane. www.alaskadogsled.com rediculous. see you all in a week!!
current mood: anxious
current music: thriceeeeee
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, May 16th, 2005
| |
2:56 am - oh dear
|
where do I begin...actually i'm not really going to go into much detail except holy shit do I have a lot on my mind right now.
i've been talking to people about a lot of things lately which has perhaps finally opened up my eyes to what i've been living through for so long. some of these people i talk to on a daily basis about stuff that's been both good and bad lately, but for the first time, i think i've finally made the right decision about talking to someone who i've considered a good friend for a long time now but never really disclosed certain problems with or just talked personally with. and to think this whole time we've kind of shared the same negative feelings about certain people/things. better late to know than never. i really can't even stand thinking about those people anymore. i once considered them such good friends, but even then they really weren't. it's like this whole time i kept trying to be a good friend to them just to get keep the band going, or because I was afraid to move on or something? I really don't know.
i'm sorry i'm so confidential in my posts. I know i say a lot but don't mention any names in particular just because this is more of an outlet for me than a place to start gossip. and also, some of the people i'm talking about read this, and they know who they are when they read it and that's all that matters. can be both good and bad. i'd like to think of this time as a good thing.
so brian and i went and saw The Receiving End of Sirens tonight at showcase, good god they were amazing. my favorite cd of the year so far. www.purevolume.com/thereceivingendofsirens if you don't know. of course I bought a medium shirt that looked good when I bought it but that I can hardly get on. dammit, too friggin' small.
so this is finals week. marketing final tomorrow but i'm not taking it (drop a test and even if I fail or ace this my grade is the same), comic spirit on wednesday, management and business of music on thursday, oh boy. i start recording a band on tuesday which is good. I had to put $6 worth of gas in my car today, not because I didn't want to put more in, because I couldn't afford anymore. That's all the cash I had, I just paid $150 on my credit card, but it's maxed, and i paid it yesterday so that won't go through for a few days and my checking account is unavailable right now since it's waiting for the check to clear for my credit card bill. lovely. why am I still up at 3:00am, i can't keep living like this, not being able to sleep because i'm thinking of a billion things. i'm such a pushover though. i never make things happen or do any drastic changes, and that's what I really need right now. what do I do? guess it's time to grow some balls? argh. g'night everyone.
current mood:  stressed
current music: new minus the bear = sex
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Thursday, April 21st, 2005
| |
12:26 am - Our cd is on sale for pre-order!
|
|
| Friday, March 18th, 2005
| |
1:29 am - dude
|
so brian left for overseas yesterday (japan) and last thing he said was "i'll miss you." so nice to hear in such a homosexual way, haha. but yeah, had my last class tonight (watched a 2 hour dvd on the music business, it was sweet) so now it's officially spring break, very nice. am i the only one who didn't drink today?
i've been having the fun the last couple weeks. one of alexis and my new things is going to the dog beach at the cliffs in huntington every thursday after class. once it gets a little warmer i'll start bringing my surfboard with me and maybe actually start that again. so i was about knee deep in water with her golden retriever max, a wave came, and my keys fell out of my pocket!! it took about 5 minutes but we finally found them and luckily the alarm key still worked, otherwise i would have been screwed. it seems like i'm seriously doing something about 24/7 lately but i don't feel super busy because i've been happy, just doing things that need to be done (work), what i want to do (be with friends, alexis, music), and all that good stuff.
i guess some people are just never meant for you to truly undersand. it's interesting also to see how somebody can turn into the person(ality) we've been so against for so long. although i can't say i've never acted that way also, because I have although i got over that a while ago. there's always time for everything if you love it enough and just go for it. no need to limit yourselves as long as you have your priorities set.
and that's enough for tonight, g'night.
current mood: tired
current music: danktron - ballsack
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 14th, 2005
| |
12:35 am - yeah
|
my life's finally starting to come together a bit. it's like i can actually almost see exactly what's going to be happening in the next couple of years and it feels so good. there's a couple things in the next year or two that I honestly can't wait to happen, but i'll leave those to the imagination. then the other stuff, we'll see.
on a lighter note, i skinny dipped with a about 6 guys and 6 girls last night in a small jacuzzi. it was fun, and what i needed, and bbq'd 4 lbs. of carne asada from northgate market. god damn that is the best stuff EVER. i need more.
next weekend/spring break is going to rule. i can't wait. fuck school.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: alright, fuck jesus
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 21st, 2005
| |
6:22 pm - ...
|
i know i haven't posted here in forever but more stuff has been going on in my life than I possibly care to write out here. i fucked up in a lot of things i've said/done in the past couple months and paid for it. i'm just lucky that it didn't completely ruin my life. yes, most of this deals with alexis, and why she ever took me back i might never know, but finally everything seems like it was, a new honesty has begun about everything and it just makes it so much easier and how it should have always been.
but the problem is once you're known as a liar (with my best friends too, not just alexis) you're always considered a liar. trust is one of the hardest things in the world to gain back. my friends probably don't know it but I would go to extreme lengths for them if need be. even the other week we had a shitty show in ventura and scott felt like absolute shit (had work at 6:30am, we got home at 3:45am) and I should have just not booked the show but I really had no clue we'd get home that late. regardless, he left his wallet in the van and needed it for work so after about 5 hours of sleep i woke up, drove to santa ana, got his wallet, and dropped it off in newport beach, even though I could have slept another 5 hours. i know that's a lame example but i would do just about anything for my friends, and hopefully most of them know that.
i just wish there was a way to gain trust back faster than just living through time and having it eventually gained back. i hate knowing that every time you say something the other person kind of believes you but in the back of their head are always going "hmm, i wonder if that's really true." there's no fast way of making everyone believe that i suddenly have become honest, but i'm going to try my best to prove that.
So we haven't practiced in a long time and had to cancel our show friday (cancelling not really a big deal). i seriously have almost every night of the week open if I needed to. i just wish we could go 2 nights a week. every time we have practice it just makes me forget about everything, and all that matters is playing music and being with your best friends. we have some shows coming up, please go:
March 9th @ Chain Reaction (with gatsby's american dream, circa survive, bear vs. shark)
April 2nd @ Koo's Cafe (with Loftus, Hurry Up And Kill Yourself)
April 23rd @ Chain Reaction OUR CD RELEASE SHOW FINALLY, YAY!!! with Odd Project, Loftus, Briertone, tba
not practicing has made me antsy. i've gone to the studio a few times by myself just to play the drums (probably something i should've been doing anyway) and I jammed with a couple other guys friday. it was fun, sounds good and different, but i listened to our cd for the first time today in a while and I just can't wait for our cd to get out and practice more.
there's almost nothing more that I want for this summer than to tour again with my best friends.
current mood:  crushed
current music: new copeland
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, September 5th, 2004
| |
2:35 am - stealing tyler's idea
|
i'm totally stealing what tyler did, here it is...
LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOU.
just do it. i will be honest.
i don't think there is anyone that i hate that reads my livejournal.
current mood: distressed
current music: fuseeee
|
|
(26 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
| |
4:04 pm - grrrrrrrr
|
so lazy jerk scott (not really) isn't going because he doesn't feel like snowboarding. hellllllllllo, mammoth? and if not for snowboarding, just to hang out with a few friends. oh well, his loss. as long as he does some bass while i'm gone i'll be happy, but I'm still sad he's not going. I really really wanted him to go :(
current mood: sad
current music: weezer - say it ain't so
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| |
2:58 pm - mammoth again
|
this journal is just like last week's except not so sudden. I'm going to mammoth again tonight, but this time with Daniel, Chris, and hopefully Scott (it's 3pm, we leave at 6pm and he hasn't said yes or no yet?!). Snowboarding all day tomorrow and thurday, then comin' home thursday nigth. Fast trip again, but 2 days snowboarding in mammoth. WOOHOO! Call us tonight as we're driving for 6 hours straight in the darkness again, haha.
current mood: contemplative
current music: not sure, ipod is off right now
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, January 17th, 2004
| |
12:46 pm - asdb
|
this is getting boring just sitting here doing nothing. most excitement i get during the day is when i get to change my gauze. it's nice at night cause alexis usually comes over or someone's here, but during the day is just blah.
butttttttt, my grandma brought over these really good shortbread cookies today, mmmmm rediculously good, so that was good.
i'm watching the banger sisters right now, haha yup bored, bye for now.
current mood:  blah
current music: not a dern thing
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
leavsfallslowly's journal
happy